post low on refrigerator door

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are
yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine
and contain my food.Placing a paw print in the middle of
my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically
pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you
can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am
very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having
tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space
is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the
bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and
manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw,
whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw
under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using
the bathroom for years -canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go
smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the
following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT
OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off
the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like some people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are
sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours
and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
( don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children ..

This is purrrfect!! Very cool.

I can relate!