Re: The all new Smokey and Cassie, talking shit thread

[horseman8m]

Smokey was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife Cassie was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Smokey has been missing since Friday.

[smokey2255]

Would never do the scale thing to her ...... I just tell her shes gettin fat ... then the fight started

True story here. Several years ago I was on a dart league. One thursday night we're (the guys in the league) throwing darts and having a good time, but my normally easy going bride is acting kind of bitchy. Well into the evening one of the guys asked how long we had been married. Looking at my watch as I am saying 15 years ..... oh shit 15 years today. Ran to the truck and got her gift then commenced to kissing her ass like she were royalty. I had remembered a few days ahead of time but never even thought about it on the day of. I am so not a dates to remember kind of guy. I would never remember my own birthday if they didn't remind me. I need a personal assistant to handle all that foo foo mushy stuff. But then they would expect me to remember personal assistants day or some silly shit. Naahhhh I will just keep screwing up on my own thanks.

See you out there
Smokey

[horseman8m]

yes but you did have a gift for her in the truck ,,,, vindicated

[Cassie]

oh now my turn, when he finally did remember it was almost midnight and he runs out and get s my gift.... now what do you think my soooo romantic husband got me for our milestone 15th anniversary???? What you ask please let me tell you, a zippo lighter with a spot for engraving my name that to this day is still blank!!!! And yet here we are 22 years now and still very much in love with my big ole non romantic turd And you can tell me Im fat all ya want to turd 4 babies and I still weigh 125 soooooo BITE ME

[horseman8m]

She got you there,
Smokey ? A Lighter ? come on . maybe for a birthday after the jewelry and flowers, but not an anniversary.
if she gave you dry meatloaf for a month you deserved it .
4 kids , 22 years of marriage, sharp wit , great sense of humor and only 125lb , Smokey you are a lucky man to have a great wife like Cassie .
this year , Dinner , flowers and jewelry just to make up for that lighter.

[smokey2255]

this year , Dinner , flowers and jewelry just to make up for that lighter.

STAY OUT OF THIS HORSE, 22 years and I have never done any of that crap, not planning to start now. What she needs is a new weed eater or better yet a ZTR mower.

See you out there
Smokey

[Cassie]

well a new mower and weed eater beats the hell outta the nascar tee shirts and hershey miniature candy bar I got for valentines day LMAO

[jedishon]

[horseman8m]

this year , Dinner , flowers and jewelry just to make up for that lighter.

STAY OUT OF THIS HORSE, 22 years and I have never done any of that crap, not planning to start now. What she needs is a new weed eater or better yet a ZTR mower.

See you out there
Smokey

[Cassie]

oh and there was the one year he got me a coffee cup with about 5 pieces of candy in it for Valentines day. He has gotten better over the years though. I get flowers and or Vermont Teddy Bears now I think he has found that by doing so he gets a lot less Bitching and when momma is happy everybody gets to live

[horseman8m]

you two are great together .
makes us all smile , thanks you two.
I'm just glad my wife doesn't like the forums , her thing is POGO games every Wednesday night.
and don't ask me what game she plays but when she wins she gets badges.???
have fun you two.
Jonathan

[horseman8m]

Smokey picked Dude up from school to give him a ride home for the long weekend trip . Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part.
Dude enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years."
"That's great, son." says Smokey " Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

[Larry Simpson]

Hellllllp Cassie, He is dancing again

[Cassie]

Smokey said to me . ... .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?


Smokey said to me .... . .......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart


Smokey said to me... ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!


Smokey said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time.



Smokey said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened.



Smokey said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.


Smokey said.....What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.


Smokey said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge

[CaribCruiser]

Cassie, Smokey you're good? What happened after Cassie's deadly reply?

[smokey2255]

The fight is still on ........ I bought her an oven and a mop for her birthday ...... had to send her to school for 3 months to learn how to use em......

...

...

Ouch ........ dammit that hurt ..... she gets so violent sometimes ..... try to take care of her and give her all the tools she needs to be a good wife and yall see the thanks I get..

Awwwww man ... there's gonna be hell to pay behind this one



See you out there
Smokey

[jedishon]

Smokey you are doing really good. Over a month since you've been hit.

Or is Cassie getting mellow in her later years. NOPE THAT'S NOT IT.

Jerry