philosophy's of life

philosophy's of life

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

I get up and a button falls off, I pick up my briefcase and the handle falls off I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

A man placed an ad in the Eclassifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred Emails.
They all said the same : "You can have mine."

A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said," Dad! I've found a woman just like mother"
His father replied, "So what do you want? sympathy?"

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,
"Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

I was kidnapped by terrorist and they sent back a piece of my finger to my wife. She said she wanted more proof.

I'm so old, that when I went to school they didn't have history.

If you get brought in front of a judge and the judge say,s "You've been brought here for drinking."
Don't say, "Okay, let's get started."

My wife says to me "You have a ready wit, just tell me when it's ready."

After his grandson asks him "how do you spell farm" BadMoon replies "E.I.E.I.O."

A pleasure trip is, taking your mother-in-law to the airport.

I complain to my wife about a headache and she turns to me and says, "next time you when you get out of bed, remember it's feet first! " she thinks she is funny.

When you say "Till death us do part" , you just set yourself a goal.

If your wife asks to go somewhere she has never been for your anniversary , Don't say "How about the kitchen?" ,,, Wrong answer.